


Struggling in Love

by fuckinqueen



Series: Writer's Block [2]
Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: ;), Alternate Universe - No Kira, Arguing, Happy Ending, I'mma Make it Better, Light Angst, M/M, Mello Draws, Near Still Writes, you'll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:21:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26772085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckinqueen/pseuds/fuckinqueen
Summary: Near and Mello are together now, but does it really feel like it?
Relationships: Mello | Mihael Keehl & Near | Nate River, Mello | Mihael Keehl/Near | Nate River
Series: Writer's Block [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1951666
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Struggling in Love

"Hi," Near says, not looking up from his brand new notebook (that Mello got him) when Mello enters his bedroom, "need something?" 

They've been officially "together" now for what… two weeks? Near doesn't really feel so. All they've done is kiss a couple times in the beginning. It's like they never changed, all that's different is now their feelings are out in the open. 

It's Near's fault; he knows that. He hasn't let Mello past his boundaries. Like before: all they've done is kiss a couple times in the beginning. So he's been treating Mello as dismissively, instead residing in his room, just writing. 

At least he framed and hung up Mello's picture of him on his wall. 

Mello complained like a little bitch when Near told him he wanted to do that, but Near silenced him with a kiss. 

"No," Mello huffs, and when Near looks up, he already looks pissed. "I don't _need_ anything from you, I suppose." The blonde's voice is gradually getting deeper and more growly, his eyes growing freezing cold. "But I want something." And it all goes away, just like that. Near blinks in surprise. _Did I imagine that?_ "Come out to the living room." Mello begs, extending a hand towards the younger. 

"But it's not as comfortable." Near whines, but gets up anyway, dragging his notebook behind him. "And isn't it still in the setup?" 

"Exactly!" Mello grins, a sparkly shine just glittering in his eyes. "I think it's high time we add this in? We're so close… imagine what it'd be like if we could actually work together? Kira's waiting…" He sings the last part, his voice jumping up to higher levels. It makes Near want to have Mello sing to him. To sing with him.

"Well, I suppose…" Near follows Melo out to the living room. He was pulled, actually. 

There they share a brief kiss, the first in a couple of days. Near's the first to pull away, as always, but Mello frowns, and tugs him closer. 

"Mello…" Near tries to wiggle out of his friend's arms. "If we're gonna do this I need space!" Mello lets him go with a sigh. Near clears his throat embarrassedly and sits on the floor as normal, this time twirling a curl around his index finger more rapidly, rubbing it between his thumb, a motion he does when stressed or thinking too much. 

"So, Near, what's the time and place we're going to catch him?" Near looks up at Mello, smiling slightly. 

"The time and place? I was thinking next week. And anywhere we can corner him at. It's not solid. I wish it is." At these words, Mello tilts his head, staring Near up and down, seemingly in character (hating Near) but Near can spot the worry in his gaze. _So sure me, Mells,_ Near thinks stubbornly, _I still put my feelings in this._

"So make it solid," Mello grumbles, looking away. "There really is nothing stopping you. I'm sure as hell not stopping you." Near's eyes flash, and he's sure Mello can see it. "What? Mad? I noticed - noticed a long while ago - that you are the one who keeps pushing this further back, and you're the one who stays floating undecided around the edges. Find out where Kira's going to be, and make it solid." _"Find out where we are, and make it solid"…_ Near translates.

"Then you should stop pushing me to make a plan, to make a time to make a decision. I can't decide." Near stands up, and Mello follows him much more slowly, suddenly looking tired. 

"You said since ever. Ever is a long time. But are you sure?" Mello's eyes melt down to nothing put pure truth, all boundaries put aside. Hurt and love dance around in them. 

"No! But damn I wish I was." Near escapes from there, and when he makes it into his room, he slams the door and locks it. Boundaries are a struggle for him. He doesn't know how to express his true feelings like Mello just did. Such an interesting thing, though, because… this belongs in his notebook. 

He flops on his bed and begins to furiously write again. 

_When you can't make sense of things, you're supposed to ask another person, right? Yes, but what if the only person you can ask already asked you? No one's sure; no one knows what they're doing._

_I love him. I truly do. But how can I tell him? Not with words. Even though words are my biggest strength, people tell lies all the time. That's the downside. Not with my hands, because what would I do? Not with my body, because again, what would I do? Not with any of my actions. There's nothing!_

_Regroup, rethink, breathe. Do this and you can know._

Near sets the pen and notebook down slowly and lies down, closing his eyes. Tears fall from his cheeks, and roll down the side of his face. 

"Telling him still does no good… maybe showing him would be okay, but how?" The answer comes to him at once. Let his borders down. "How?" He sobs. 

Curling up on himself, he cries himself to sleep, weariness taking over and shoving him down into the dark cavern of dreams. 

…

Mello, in his own room, lies on his floor, looking up at the ceiling. _Well. He's probably gonna end it. Not what I want, but we were more like friends anyway._ His heart screams for him to go and fix this, though. Even though Near has to fix this by himself.

"Draw," he says in the silence, "just draw. Draw it all away." 

But when he tries to draw something other than Near, he just goes back to those beautiful eyes, and that slight smirk or tiny grin. He finally rolls his eyes and settles on drawing Near laughing. Yes, it was at him at the time, because of the other picture that he gave to Near being framed and put on the wall, but it was still one of the best times. 

When he finally looks up from the drawing, it's pitch black outside, and he can see the reflection of a light outside. Curious, he goes to the open window to see what it is. _Oh my God…_ Mello's mouth drops open when he sees Near sitting on the ground with a book and his notebook, a pen, and a flashlight. From here, the second floor, it's hard to see what Near's expression is, but to Mello it looks tortured. 

Mello silently opens the window (something that was good about this house; it doesn't creak or squeal) and rests his arms on it, watching his object of affection struggle with holding the book, notebook, pen and flashlight in his hands at once. Finally, Near settles on setting the book and notebook down, and holding just the flashlight and pen. 

He switches from reading the book, seemingly skimming it, which isn't like him, and writing in his notebook. 

He looks up. 

"Hi," Mello calls out softly, not really having to be loud to have his voice carry in the light wind, the crickets quieting down when they hear his voice. 

"Mello," Near might have looked tortured, but his voice is… unexplainable. Broken. Scared? "Mello… I didn't want to do this now." 

"Do what? No one's forcing you." Mello keeps his voice gentle, and not sad. The last thing he wants is to fight with the white-haired genius again. 

"Mello… Mello, I love you, do you know that?" Near's voice sounds hesitant and subdued. 

"Oh… no. I didn't. It's nice to hear it." 

"Yes, but that's the problem!" Near gets up, his own voice rising. "Words aren't real. You can lie with words! How do you know I'm not lying? And don't you dare say because I don't lie. I've lied about my feelings before, haven't I? So no. Don't." He walks closer, looking imploringly up at Mello. "I do love you. I'm not lying. But that isn't even good enough for you." 

"I-I love you too." Mello reaches a hand down to him, forgetting for a moment that he's too far up to touch him.

Honestly, he had been upset with Near for treating him like normal. Treating him worse. 

"Romeo and Juliet," Near says suddenly. Mello laughs once he realizes what Near means. 

"Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" Near rolls his eyes, seeable because they're so big. "Sorry, darling, but I couldn't help it." Mello says it playfully, but Near's mouth drops open anyway. 

"Come here," Near whispers, "come to me, please." Sighing, Mello complies, travelling slowly down the stairs and out the front door, circling around to find Near, standing there, looking down at his socks. 

"Socks!" Mello exclaims, "In the wet grass!" Near shakes his head and walks over, taking Mello's hands. 

"I'm not going to say anything, so don't you speak either. Let your movements speak for you." Mello's just able to furrow his brows before Near kisses him, the first kiss he's ever initiated. Mello kisses him back, but softer, more hesitant. Pulling away to glare at him, Near tugs him closer by the waist, connecting them at the hips. 

N-" Near kisses him again to silence him, and finally Mello gives in. He uses his tongue to trace a line between Near's lips, and Near opens them, to let Mello in and likewise. _French kissing,_ Mello muses, _and neither of us are good at it._ In fact, they're both being extremely sloppy, the only sounds exchanged being their moans, which are reaching a louder note. 

Growling, which Mello has never heard from him before, Near tugs him by the wrist towards the house, never ending their contact. As soon as they're in the house, Near's hands fumble around with Mello's shirt, trying to tug it over his head unsuccessfully. Mello chuckles, shaking his head, and pulls it off. Near smiles at him wonderingly, his fingers lightly crossing Mello's bare skin. 

Then Near takes one of his hands and kisses the back of it, seeming to bow slightly, like… a compliment, and an invitation to dance. And that's how Mello knows what kind of night this will be. 

He pulls Near's head towards his again, their lips crashing together. Near easily flicks open the buttons of his own shirt, eyes half-lidded and kind of seductive. _Wow… that's hot…_

"Let me love you," Near whispers, slipping out of his shirt. Mello studies his beautiful body, very pale, but slender and actually very curvy. And he thought he looked feminine. 

Near wraps his arms around Mello's waist again, letting their hips touch, and moves his back and forth, creating a friction that makes Melo moan loudly, his head tilting back involuntarily. Near presses his lips against his throat, letting his teeth scrape against the sensitive skin there. 

"You do love me," Mello gasps, trying to be teasing, but unable to grasp any emotion besides adoration and lust. 

"Of course I love you," Near huffs, shoving his hips into Mello's harshly. 

"Oooh… if we're not doing anything tonight, you better not do that." Mello smirks and winks, as Near rolls his eyes.


End file.
